How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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