I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
