I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
