I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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