Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
