im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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