Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
