What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I understand Curling. That high.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
