its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
