I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He passed out mid-signature
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
did you just send me my own nude
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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