I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
