My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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