I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
