Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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