he puts the penis in happiness.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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