and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
