you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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