Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
