Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it because I queefed?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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