We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
