I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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