Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
