I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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