I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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