after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
