ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You pole danced in your parka.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
