We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
