What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
