JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ttyl tear gas
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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