I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
