Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
