Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
