PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
