Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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