WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
