My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
