I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
