Having a random hookup so left but love u
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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