smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
