wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
