Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
