that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
