My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
