paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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