apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
