Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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