whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
