He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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