It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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