Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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