Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
