I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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