I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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