Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
