if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize