clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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