I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
