my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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