dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
