I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
