please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
