you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
A+ Viking dick
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
