What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
