Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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