Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
