I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
