I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
