I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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