dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
