Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
