i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
