I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
