i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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