i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
