Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
