I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
