No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
