Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
