I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
